The wonder of man...

It truly is wonderful and bewildering that a child still in high school is able to find a job and earn enough money to buy hundred dollar shoes and the latest phone, and yet someone who attended one of the state's leading universities and graduated with a degree that only two people have in the last five years can't even manage an to get an interview at the local Wal-mart.

So since my truck has been worked on over the last week, having to have the upper and lower ball joints replaced, along with the idler arm and tie rods, in addition to the two new tires. I've pretty much been stuck at home. Needless to say that the last of my savings have pretty much been whipped out along with most of the money I've made pulling these odd jobs over the last few weeks. The last week has pretty much consisted of me doing every little thing I could around the house, working out in the yard and reorganizing my room time and time again. Then spending hours on the computer trying to put in more applications and obsessively checking my e-mail hoping that I'll hear back from one of them. For those that don't know, I now pretty much know that I am not going to be teaching in Georgia seeing as how the majority of public and private schools started back this past Monday. South Carolina has turned down my applications in favor of hiring someone that lives there and has the proper certification and all the others have pretty much stood me up entirely. In addition I have been turned down by several places such a Wal-mart and Brandsmart due to the fact that I don't receive government aid which apparently gives priority to those who have money rather than those who need it.

The worst part is that with each day I feel like something is gradually chipping away at me, but I'm not sure as to what it could be. Though I have been told that I pull off the unkempt look fairly well by several people. I find myself going out for walks just to get away and be around people, but once I am it's almost as if I don't know what to do; so I just sit there and watch them going through their usual routines. Listen in on the idle conversations as they walk adding my own opinion in my head. I can't focus long enough to read, barely long enough to form half-hearted replies, and have run into another case of not know what to write about. I keep saying that if/when I find a job all of this will go away but I'm beginning to wonder if it really will, or if it'll just be worse when I wind up having to push buggies or ask if someone wants to up size their meal.

I know that I keep telling everyone to keep their heads up, but it really is something that's easier said than done. I just wish that there was something here for me to ground myself to, something tangible.